Monday, February 1, 2016

Sheet Rock Dust & Puppy Breath

 Just found this old blog post that I'd never gotten around to posting. This was written over a year ago in 2014!   Normally, I'd just delete it, but although the information is outdated, the message is timeless.  GOD knew I needed to hear it today and hopefully there is someone else out there who may need to hear it as well.  So, here it goes:

I love it when the Holy Spirit opens our eyes to something that we didn't realize about ourselves.   This morning, I'm walking around an hour after I woke up wondering why I'm still in pain.   I have autoimmune issues, one of which is RA.  For some, it makes our joints get really stiff & painful anytime you are still, which is why it's hard to take long trips in a car or sleep all night long.   I don't talk about things like this much, so listen up.  LOL    I felt led to share what I learned about myself this morning & maybe God is talking to you too.    Anyway...back to my story...

Usually, when I wake up, I have to take a pain pill immediately.  Then I try to get up & stretch a little.  No matter what I do in the morning, it takes a good 20-30 minutes before I'm out of pain enough to get rolling along.  So.... this morning I was still in pain after an hour!  Things begin running through my head that could be causing my pain to a cold front moving through? what did I do yesterday that would have aggravated my joints?   As I mentally clicked possible reasons off of the list that was internally playing in my head, I realized that none of those applied.  Which usually is NOT good news.  Because sometimes it means the last thing on my list:  Am I getting ready for a flare?    For the uninitiated folks to autoimmune disease, a "flare" is a period of time during which your disease comes out of remission and begins exhibiting symptoms, despite your medication regime or treatment plan.    Well, as I was thinking & walking, I happen to glance down & see my pain pill on the floor next to my bed.  Yes, the very same pill that I thought I'd taken an hour ago.     This illustrated to me a truth about myself that I needed to hear today.   Sometimes we go along "wallowing" in pain (emotional or physical) without doing anything constructive toward releasing ourselves from that pain.  

You see, I've been wallowing lately.   A lot.    Currently I have very unsuccessfully been dodging the emotional pain of dealing with 2 of my 3 sons moving hundreds of miles away to different states.  Add that to the fact that I had to retire at the beginning of the year so I have all this time on my hands now. I feel like I'm walking around with a hole in my heart.   I knew this day was coming.  Or, at least, for one of them I did.  My youngest son, a 2nd Lt. in the USAF went to college on a military academic scholarship. I knew it was his dream to become a pilot someday.  I also knew that, as nice as it was to get a free LSU Engineering Degree,  the time would come that he would have to pay the piper.    Thank goodness it's something he's well suited for and that fits the desires of his heart.   The 5 years of his undergraduate degree should have fully prepared me for D-Day (aka Departure Day), but it was still painful as his momma to see my children move away.   Throw in with that my middle son's sudden departure immediately after graduating with his Master's Degree in Social Work from LSU.   I always knew there was a possibility that he'd move away.   What I didn't know was that it would be so soon.  He was keeping his options open and it just so happened a door opened in Chicago, IL.    Again, I'm so happy for both of them to become who they wanted to become when they grew up.   That being said, as any nurturing mother will tell you, it's just plain old sad to see them leave.   Especially when we know it's likely to be a permanent thing.       I did what I call my "World Mom-ination Tour" this past summer.   Six weeks out from back surgery, I got on a plane to Chicago & spent a week with Son #2.   I spent most of the time trying to figure out how to get from point A to point B in the Windy City.  Very little time sight seeing and not a lot of one-on-one time with him, but it was still wonderful just to see his face every day. Plus I got to spend time with my granddog, Opie at Chicago's Dog Beach..that's right a beach just for dogs!! Remind me why don't we have those down here in the south??   Anyway... I digress...

   I then flew directly from  Chicago  to Oklahoma to spend a week with Son #3.   He is in a very rigorous, time demanding, flight school so I spent most of my time enjoying the solitude of the beautiful place where he lives. Also, cooking some great wintertime soups & meals that I froze for him to have.  I also spent a lot of time on the ground trying to pick out which plane he was flying overhead.  I was grateful just to be in the same house as him for several days and the tiny bit of time we had was so precious to me.  

  It gave me satisfaction and peace beyond description to spend time with them both.   I'm currently saving for my next tour.    That being said, I'm so thankful for my oldest son, my beautiful DIL and my two grandsons who live five minutes from me.    Although they lived in an adjoining state previously, I think I always knew in my heart that they'd eventually come home.   Justin has always been a Louisiana country boy at heart.  He loves the south, the outdoors, and family.  I honestly think we'd be packing our bags to find somewhere else to move if they weren't here.  But back to my story.....

Lately, I've been filling my time with chaos. Just anything to take my mind off the emptiness and pain inside.  I'm keeping my self busy so I DON'T have to deal with it.   Oh, you know, little things like tearing walls out of my house or having puppies.  LOL   My husband finally jumped into that kitchen renovation that he's been promising me for the past 6 years, so every crack & crevice in my house is currently filled with sheet rock dust AND my precious Harley, the super wiener dog, just gave birth to 3 precious puppies in an emergency C-Section!  Like I said, chaos!  But more about both of those huge things in my life later....  

My precious Beau, Breesie-Pey & Jax!

For now, I just know that God is telling me to lean into Him.   He and I will figure out together what I can fill this hole in my heart up with, as well as the extra time I have.  I'm sure it'll be something that will be challenging, hopefully help animals and people alike, and be satisfying.   Most of all, I hope it glorifies Him.   For now, I'm gonna just sustain myself on puppy breath and schedule that long overdue eye doctor appointment so I can actually SEE a pill if I drop it on the floor!  

Take good care,

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